Let’s be honest. Most couples wait way too long before getting help.
Especially in Latinx families where the message is usually:
“Figure it out. No te metas en problemas. Eso se queda en casa.”
But therapy isn’t about airing out your dirty laundry.
It’s about getting support before things spiral.
Here are the early signs it might be time to talk to someone (yes, even if you love each other deeply):
1. The communication feels… off.
Not necessarily fighting- just short, tense, or surface-level.
You talk about chores, schedules, and work, but not what you actually feel. And when you do try? Someone gets defensive, shuts down, or misunderstands the other completely. That’s a sign the patterns are getting stuck.
2. Tiny things turn into big arguments.
You’re arguing about the dishes, but you’re not really arguing about the dishes.
It’s the deeper stuff: feeling unappreciated, ignored, or overwhelmed. If little things are suddenly triggering big reactions, something underneath needs attention.
3. You’re starting to feel like roommates.
You handle responsibilities, the house, the kids, the bills…but the emotional or romantic connection? Barely there. You care about each other, but it’s not giving partnership right now. This is a huge sign it’s time to tune back in.
4. Resentment is quietly building.
You might not be yelling, but you’re holding things in. Maybe you feel like you’re doing more. Maybe you feel unseen. Maybe you keep forgiving, but you’re not actually healing. Resentment is sneaky and it grows fast if you don’t address it.
5. The same fights happen over and over.
Different day, same argument. You both know the script, the lines, the ending.
Couples therapy interrupts that cycle so you can finally have a new experience with each other.
6. You’re both trying… but nothing is changing.
This one’s important. Sometimes both partners are showing effort, but the relationship still feels stuck. That doesn’t mean you’re incompatible, it means you need new tools and support from someone outside the dynamic.
Let’s Talk About Something Real: Latinx Relationship Norms
Many of us grew up seeing couples operate in very specific roles:
- The woman carries the emotional labor.
- The man provides, but keeps feelings to himself.
- Problems stay “en la casa.”
- Saying what you need is labeled as “una pelea.”
These norms aren’t “bad,” but they can create tension when one partner starts wanting more balance, more communication, or more softness-especially if the other grew up seeing relationships handled very differently.
In therapy, we gently unpack:
- gender role expectations
- who learned to shut down vs. who learned to over-function
- how culture shapes communication styles
- the guilt and pressure that often show up in first-gen couples
- what partners wish they could say but don’t
It’s not about blaming culture.
It’s about understanding the blueprint you both inherited…so you can rewrite it together.
So… What Does Couples Therapy With Me Actually Look Like?
I use the Gottman Method, which is a super practical, research-backed approach (honestly, my couples love it). It helps us look at what’s really going on under the surface…not just the fights, but the patterns, the emotions, and the ways you’re trying to connect.
We work on:
- building friendship and trust
- improving communication tools that actually work in real life
- reducing the “four horsemen” (criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling)
- strengthening the team energy between you two
- replacing unhelpful cultural messages with healthier ones that still honor your roots
You don’t have to wait until things feel “bad enough.”
If something feels off, heavy, or distant — that’s valid.
Couples who ask for help early usually grow faster, stronger, and with less pain.
Therapy isn’t a last resort. It’s an investment in connection.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Okay… this might be us,” then it might be time to explore support. I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation to help you figure out your next step.
